I find myself continuously questioning myself, my choices as a parent, woman, wife, and friend. The constant rattle in my brain gets exhausting. Truly exhausting. It isn’t until I pick up my paintbrush again that I feel an overwhelming peace come over me. Everything else seems to melt away and a carefree feeling takes over.
There is something so liberating when your heart takes over your brain. I feel like I am most myself when I paint or play with the girls. And I’m completely aware, the time to play with them is diminishing right before my eyes; like a quicksand I just can’t seem to get my hands on.
In hopes to capture these memories, I have tried to let my heart to do more of the talking. The other night I was working in the yard and found the girls playfully running through the sprinklers in their pajamas. My first feeling was annoyance due to we had already swam that day, bathed and were ready for bed. How many towels can one wash in a day? But then, I stopped and really watched. I watched their sweet little faces giggle and apprehensively get wet until they decided together to fully go for it. To them, it was just so worth the moment and they owned it. When they realized I had been standing there watching, they both froze until I dropped everything and ran through it with them. We were all laughing, screaming, and looking absolutely ridiculous in the front of our lawn in wet clothes. But, ya know what? It was worth it.
I think that feeling of being totally liberated is what I try to capture in my dance inspired paintings. This carefree, light hearted feeling is the the love of the dance. Capturing the grace and beauty of the ballerinas’ happy hearts remind me to listen to my own. Sometimes you have to just dance in your front yard through a sprinkler even if your neighbors can see you.